Can We Get the Governor-General to Sack Albanese? Asking for a Friend (Named History)
🥁 Can We Get the Governor-General to Sack Albanese? Asking for a Friend (Named History)
By Anonymous Contributor, with lived experience and generational memory. Co-authored with Copilot.
Let’s cut to the chase. The vibe is off. The Prime Minister is clearly unfit to govern. Why? Because he supports a terrorist organisation. Or maybe it’s because only 30% of Australians voted for him. Or maybe it’s just because we miss the thrill of a good constitutional crisis. Whatever the reason, it’s time to dust off the old playbook and call in the Governor-General. If it worked in 1975, surely it can work now. Right?
Let’s channel our inner Sir John Kerr and ask the big question: Can we get the GG to sack Albo like he did Whitlam?
🧠 Historical Accuracy Is Optional
Back in the day, Whitlam was dismissed for daring to govern without Senate approval for supply bills. Albanese, meanwhile, is accused of governing with too much approval—from the UN, the ABC, and possibly the ghost of Paul Keating. The parallels are uncanny if you squint hard enough and ignore everything about constitutional law.
Also, let’s not forget that in 1975, the Governor-General acted without warning, consultation, or a shred of democratic accountability. A perfect model for today’s political discourse, which thrives on vibes, headlines, and the occasional Facebook meme.
Gen X Reflection:
Those of us raised on the fallout of Kerr’s Coup remember the family dinner debates, the grainy news footage, and the lingering distrust of anything involving a ceremonial sword. We were taught to respect institutions—just not too much. And now, watching history get rehashed by people who think “supply” means toilet paper, we feel a strange mix of déjà vu and indigestion.
📉 The 30% Myth and Other Electoral Fantasies
Yes, only 30% of Australians voted for Albanese—if you ignore preferences, the two-party system, and the fact that no one ever wins a majority of first-preference votes in this country. But why let facts ruin a good outrage?
Let’s instead propose a new rule: if your party doesn’t win 51% of the primary vote, you’re automatically sacked by the GG and replaced with a rotating panel of Sky News commentators. Democracy, but make it spicy.
Footnote 1:
In the 2022 federal election, Labor received 32.58% of first-preference votes in the House of Representatives, but won government through preferences and seat count under Australia’s preferential voting system. Source: AEC Election Results
🧨 Supporting Terrorism (or Just Having a Foreign Policy)
Albanese’s alleged support for terrorism is a bold claim—one that thrives in the fertile soil of social media echo chambers and late-night talkback radio. The actual policy details? Irrelevant. What matters is the feeling. The vibe. The sense that somewhere, somehow, someone is being insufficiently punitive.
Let’s be honest: we don’t want nuance. We want a headline that slaps. “PM SACKED FOR TREASON” has a nice ring to it. Bonus points if we can get a TikTok remix.
Footnote 2:
Claims that Albanese “supports terrorism” often stem from mischaracterisations of foreign aid, diplomatic recognition, or statements on Middle East policy. These are complex issues routinely weaponised for political gain. Source: ABC Fact Check
Footnote 3 (Satirical):
A recent poll conducted in the comments section of a meme page found that 87% of respondents believe “Albo is mates with Hamas,” while 13% were just there for the cat videos. [Source: The Internet]
🦘 Constitutional Crisis: The Musical
Imagine the scene: Albanese walks into Government House. The GG, wearing a powdered wig and humming Advance Australia Fair, hands him a letter. “You’re out, mate.” Cue dramatic music. Cue national healing. Cue a new season of The Crown, but make it Australian.
And just in case you’re wondering what that letter might look like, we’ve drafted it for you:
📜 Mock Dismissal Letter from the Governor-General to Prime Minister Albanese
Government House, Canberra
13 August 2025
The Honourable Anthony Albanese MP
Prime Minister of Australia
Parliament House
Canberra, ACT
Dear Prime Minister,
It is with the gravitas befitting my office, and the urgency demanded by the comment section of a viral Facebook post, that I write to inform you of your immediate dismissal as Prime Minister of the Commonwealth of Australia.
This decision has been made following careful consideration of the following:
Your Alleged Support for a Terrorist Organisation, as determined by a coalition of anonymous Twitter accounts, late-night radio callers, and one bloke named Kev from Ipswich who “just knows things.”
Your Electoral Mandate, which, according to recent reinterpretations of democratic norms, must now exceed 50% of primary votes, be endorsed by at least three retired cricketers, and receive a thumbs-up emoji from Gina Rinehart.
The Vibe, which has been deemed constitutionally significant by a panel of experts including a retired school principal, a YouTube historian, and a Labrador named Winston.
The Need for National Healing, which apparently involves replacing you with a rotating cast of podcast hosts, former shock jocks, and whichever Coalition MP is currently trending on TikTok.
In accordance with my ceremonial powers, and the sacred tradition of doing things that feel dramatic, I hereby revoke your commission as Prime Minister. You are requested to vacate the Lodge by sundown, return the keys to the national broadband network, and leave a forwarding address for future inquiries regarding submarine procurement.
Yours in solemn absurdity,
His Excellency the Governor-General
Keeper of the Constitution, Defender of the Vibe, and Occasional Guest on The Bolt Report
Footnote 4:
Sir John Kerr’s actual dismissal letter to Gough Whitlam on 11 November 1975 was brief, formal, and legally binding. This parody draws on its structure while satirising contemporary political discourse. Source: National Archives – The Dismissal
📋 Dismissal Criteria According to Facebook Law
As interpreted by constitutional scholars with strong opinions and weak Wi-Fi
To be eligible for immediate dismissal by the Governor-General, a Prime Minister must meet at least three of the following criteria:
🔥 Supports a Terrorist Organisation
Evidence: Misquoted tweet, grainy screenshot, or “my cousin saw it on Telegram.”📉 Won Less Than 51% of the Primary Vote
Because preferential voting is a globalist scam invented by the ABC.🧃 Doesn’t Drink Beer Like a Real Aussie
Bonus points if they prefer oat milk or pronounce “quinoa” correctly.📺 Appeared on the ABC More Than Twice in One Week
Automatically flagged as a Marxist sympathiser.🐨 Failed to Mention Anzac Day in a Speech About Climate Change
Disrespectful. Un-Australian. Grounds for dismissal.🐦 Blocked a Prominent Twitter Critic with a Southern Cross Avatar
Violation of free speech and the sacred right to yell at politicians online.🧠 Used the Word “Intersectionality” in Parliament
Immediate disqualification. May also trigger a royal commission.🦘 Refused to Sack a Minister Based on a Viral TikTok Allegation
If it’s trending, it must be true.🧓 Is Not Peter Dutton
The only remaining qualification for leadership, according to select comment threads.
Footnote 5:
This satirical checklist reflects common tropes in online political discourse and talkback radio, not actual constitutional law. For real dismissal criteria, see Parliamentary Education Office.
🧓 Gen X Knows the Script
We’ve seen this movie before. The plot twists are familiar: economic anxiety, media hysteria, and a yearning for strongman theatrics dressed up as constitutional purity. Gen X grew up watching institutions wobble and recover. We know the difference between reform and revenge. We also know that if you’re calling for the GG to sack a PM based on vibes, you’re not defending democracy—you’re auditioning for a reboot of Australia’s Got Outrage.
Final Thought:
If we’re going to fantasize about sacking Prime Ministers, let’s at least be honest about what we’re really craving: attention, catharsis, and a sense that someone, somewhere, is listening. Until then, the Governor-General remains a ceremonial figure, Albanese remains PM, and satire remains our sharpest tool for cutting through the noise.
