Local Businesses and the Art of Not Giving a F***

Local Businesses and the Art of Not Giving a F***

There’s a civic myth that hiring local is an act of virtue. Keep the money in the community, support the battlers, give the bloke down the road a fair go. It sounds noble. Until you actually do it.

Because whether it’s the tradie with a ute or the solicitor with a brass plaque, the local economy has perfected one thing: the art of not giving a f***.

The Tradie Division

• Delay as a lifestyle. Jobs start late, finish later, and invoices arrive faster than the work.

• Confidence beats competence. The quote is polished, the workmanship isn’t.

• Customer service as theatre. Calls unanswered, emails ignored, accountability outsourced to the weather.

The Professional Services Division

• Lawyers: Masters of the disappearing act. They’ll draft your will sometime between the next equinox and the second coming. Meanwhile, invoices arrive with the punctuality of sunrise.

• Accountants: They’ll file your tax return eventually, but only after you’ve aged into a new bracket. Their true skill lies in creative excuses, not creative accounting.

• Consultants: Armed with PowerPoint decks and buzzwords, they’ll charge you for telling you what you already know. Deliverables? Optional.

• Medical Specialists: Appointments booked months in advance, only to spend seven minutes telling you to “monitor the situation.”

My Foolish Optimism

I tell everyone: don’t engage local contractors or professionals. Save yourself the grief. Yet, like a moth to fluorescent lighting, I go against my own advice. I engage. I hope. I even pay a deposit.

And then, inevitably, I realise I was right all along. The job’s half‑done, the advice is half‑baked, and the only thing polished is their ability to vanish when accountability calls.

The Civic Ritual of Disappointment

Supporting local isn’t about getting the job done. It’s about participating in a shared ritual of disappointment. Like fireworks on New Year’s Eve, except instead of colour and spectacle, you get invoices and unfinished paperwork.

The Lesson

Local businesses and professional services have mastered the art of not giving a f***. And maybe that’s the point. They’re not here to impress. They’re here to remind us that hope is a dangerous drug, and that sometimes the best way to support your community is to avoid it altogether.

So next time someone says, “Give the local guy a go,” remember: you’re not hiring a contractor or a lawyer. You’re buying a ticket to the theatre of futility.